Oh, college.

College applications suck.

So does planning college visits. They're so unnecessarily complicated and time consuming.

I wish they could do it all for me and I could just get there already. But sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to take care of myself in college. I'm sure I will because I'll know that I'm the only one responsible for myself. But there is also the very ominous chance that my life could slip away if things don't get better.

But luckily, I just started Prozac two days ago. It takes two weeks to build up and start working, but I'm very hopeful. Especially because I didn't take any medicine for, oh, two or three months. My parents reprimanded me slightly, but I could tell they were concerned. Which was helpful when, you know, you don't think anyone cares or gives you a second thought. It stops me from going down that road and having an "episode" or "depressive bout" as I like to label them.

So, things are looking up. For now.
[Except those bloody applications.]

Keep it classy.

"Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." - Caty, Mean Girls.


Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Not just because it's about two weeks after my birthday, but because we can be whoever we want to be for an entire day, and everyone just laughs.

I mean, today I'm a prep, the complete opposite of what I usually am. And my best friend, Emily, is an emo/scene kid, the complete opposite of who she is.

But I do enjoy it. Everyime Hallloween comes around, I think of that quote by Lindsay Lohan's character from Mean Girls from above. But, happily, my school newspaper published an article talking about just that. How slutty costumes have become the thing nowadays, and it's spreading to the younger generation. I don't want m younger brothers' female classmates looking like they're pimping themselves out on Halloween. It's just asking to be kidnapped by a pedofile.

I can say now that my children weill mever be dressed like that. At least until they're old enough to know that people think they look like sluts, which I hope they don't think is a good thing.

So that's why I'm dressed like a conservative prep. Although I'm sure these are not the things m classmates are going to wear out tonight [who wants to go to a party dressed like Sarah Palin?], I hope they make the right choices and don't act like sluts just because they're dressed like them.

Happy Halloween. Keep it classy out there.

Hello, welcome to my world.

"There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will." - Hamlet, Hamlet by Shakespeare

At this moment, I am sitting in English and watching Hamlet. We just got to the part where Hamlet is holding the skull of Yorick and pondering the existence of people, and comes to the conclusion that people were from dust and will return to dust.

Now, at this, I saw the infusion of Christianity within this play, and laughed to myself. As with the quote above, it shows Hamlet's belief in God. Attending a Catholic institution, I find this little ironic. The quote, in our modern English, says God shapes who we are and it is a little futile to try to resist God's wills for the future.

I find that cripplingly pessimistic.

I'm not a big believer in God. I talk to him, sure, but not as reverently as I'm sure my teachers and the Church would like me to. I pray to him, but it's more like talking to myself and asking Him questions that I will never get an answer to.

Including the pathetic "Why me?"

I have so many reasons to ask that question. one coming to mind immediately being my diagnosis of depression.

And saying thus, I get to the point of having this blog.

I think Shakespeare is affecting my speech at the moment.

So this is a Hello, welcome to my world.

Contradictiong, emotional, intelligent, observant, music loving, obsessive, hopelessly romantic at times, shy, outspoken, loyal, honest, sarcastic, pessimistic, optimistic. This list goes on to describle what I am.

But I'm sure nobody cares what I'm like. You've probably stumbled upon this by accident.

I'm sure things will be more interesting in the future.

I really am rambling now. And I don't know how much continuity this holds. But do I really care?

It's a journal open to the world, something I've always wanted to do.

So, welcome to my world : ]